When my four children (one daughter and three sons, now adults) were young, we all looked forward to sleepaway camp. I say all because I went, too, working in the boys’ camp kitchen and then, in later years, the office to help defray costs. I have fond memories of my littlest guy, not yet sleepaway camp age, getting swept off his feet (quite literally) by pretty counselors who couldn’t resist making him their little sidekick at “big boy” activities, only to be rewarded by him with silly pranks, including a remote controlled spider he took great pleasure in directing across the badminton court to scare them.
Then, I filed for divorce. A rocky marriage, what felt like insurmountable financial challenges, and, for the straw that ultimately broke the camel’s back, having no choice but to spend a year living with my in-laws in Minnesota after fleeing our hometown of New Orleans in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, with only the clothes we had on our backs. Thank God for those idyllic summers the kids and I had to look forward to, which I wasn’t about to let be threatened by something like a divorce. Here’s what I did to preserve the experience for my children — experiences I kept outside the reaches of divorce — which you can do, too.
Let your divorce lawyer know that summer camp is a priority.
If you’re headed into the divorce process and want to send your kids to summer camp, especially if they’ve gone in previous summers, let your Washington state divorce lawyer know immediately so they can include it in support negotiations and your parenting plan. Washington family courts are interested in maintaining the status quo for children amid a divorce and doing what’s in the children’s best interests. But they’re not mind readers. Nor are they familiar with what goes on in your household.
Find creative ways to pay for it.
Though courts will consider the children’s pre-divorce lifestyle and what is in their best interests, there is no guarantee that camp will be an approved expense. However, if it is, both parents may have a financial obligation to make it happen. For example, each parent may be required to contribute a percentage to summer camp according to their financial means.
Courts don’t always get the calculation right. When reality sets in, it may mean you have to get creative to pay for camp tuition and all of the other sometimes hidden expenses that go along with camp, such as extra clothing, camp uniforms, sporting equipment, shipping the trunks to and from camp, special camp trips to amusement parks and other destinations, canteen money, visiting day travel and camper gifts, and end-of-summer tips. This was the case for me, so even when I was married, I applied for a job at the camp my boys attended.
A few ideas …
However, if working at camp isn’t an option for you, remember that this is just one way to make paying for camp more feasible. Another is to take advantage of early bird discounts (if you can) or payment plans if they offer them.
Should the camp not offer a payment plan or one that works for you, ask the powers that be if they would be willing to customize a payment plan for you. When you have a rapport with the management of a particular camp, you might get lucky with them bending over backward to keep your kids there.
On another note, consider finding a side hustle to help pay for your share. Also, budgeting for camp all year can make the payments less burdensome. Finally, with a household budget, it becomes easier to see where you can make cuts to pay for what’s a priority in your life. That could be your kids’ summer camp.
Commit to not fighting with your ex about who’s paying for how many pairs of socks.
Not all exes or soon-to-be exes agree that camp is the beautiful or necessary experience for kids you might think it is. As a result, you might have an ex who will go down kicking and screaming at every juncture where camp is concerned. Contrary to how unrelenting your spouse becomes, how much and about what you want to fight will be up to you.
I used to ask my clients whether their ex’s failure to serve the kids broccoli with dinner would be the hill they wanted to die on. Truth be told, the question fell on a few too many deaf ears for my liking. The same question can be applied to how many pairs of socks will go into the camp trunk. Is it worth getting yourself aggravated or, worse still, having your kids overhear you fighting with their other parent about it? You can guess how I feel, but if you can’t, no.
And now that I’ve read Mel Robbins’ latest, “Let Them,” my advice to you is to do just that. You will never be able to control someone else’s behavior, least of all an angry ex, so stop trying and focus on how you react — or don’t — instead.
Work out visiting day in advance.
Visiting day is usually, though not always, held on one day; however, when the camp is far away from where most of the campers who attend live, it may sometimes extend over a weekend. That can make it easier if you and your spouse decide to each take a day.
For divorced parents with kids attending camps that have one visiting day, it can get dicey if they don’t get along. This is why having a visiting day plan is more important than ever.
Consider alternating who will attend visiting day each summer if you don’t think you can keep it together in front of your kids to be there on the same day. Or ask the camp for special permission for one of you to take your kids out of camp for an outing the day before visiting day or the day after.
Whatever you and your ex decide, honor your agreement. Remember that visiting day is a chance for you to enjoy your children in one of their favorite places on earth as much as it is your children’s chance to share their special place with you both. Don’t let your disagreements with your ex deprive everyone of a wonderful visit.
Consider alternatives to summer camp.
Sometimes, even the best intentions and doing everything in your power won’t be enough to move mountains or, in this case, get kids to the mountains for the summer. It’s OK.
You and your children will find another way to make memories over the summer or make summer camp happen sometime in the future. Because that’s what divorce is for — an opportunity to look ahead, dream, and take action to create the life you want for yourself and your family.
Find a Seattle family law attorney to advocate for you and your children in divorce.
Emotions can run high between spouses who can’t agree on how their children should be brought up, including whether they should attend summer camp. At Elise Buie Family Law, our Seattle family law attorneys have extensive experience helping parents reach agreements about such matters and how to move past the anger to enjoy an amicable co-parenting situation benefiting everyone involved. Call our Seattle office today or schedule a time to speak here.
