Assholes are like a fine wine — you have to approach them delicately, breathe them in, savor the characteristics they’re exhibiting, and decide whether they’re giving off bitter or sweet notes … so you know exactly what reaction to pair them with.
Yes, sweet-sounding people can be assholes, too, as you probably already know if you’re reading this, which means you have to understand how to communicate with them regardless of who they are at any given moment. The best way to do this is first to get a handle on what’s driving their behavior so you can react more deliberately, diffusing situations instead of exacerbating them (usually what an asshole wants), and second, learn to regulate your responses.
As a lover of books and a lifelong reader and learner, I have a few recommendations that can help even the most frustrated person deal with the most frustrating person in their life. These are the books that got me through my own divorce and the days and years that followed, books that continue to grace my bookshelves like old friends I can turn to every now and then. Books I know will offer you both solace and strength should you be one of the “lucky” ones who’s divorcing an asshole.
Divorce or separation can make parenting feel especially complicated, but thankfully, “The Co-Parenting Handbook” is here to offer real support for making it work across two homes. Written by two well-established co-parenting coaches, it covers everything from handling emotions and conflict to sharing holidays and introducing new partners, and much, much more. With clear, practical advice on communication, finances, and setting boundaries, parents can emerge more confident and grounded. Whether you’re just starting out or years into co-parenting, this guide can make the day-to-day a little smoother — for you and your kids.
You’ve met someone great — and one of you has kids. Now you’re wondering how to make this work without it turning into a mess. “The Stepfamily Handbook” is a smart, supportive guide for anyone dating as a parent or dating someone with kids. It walks you through everything from when to introduce the kids to spending more time together to dealing with the trickier parts of blending families. With real advice, honest insight, and tips you can actually use, this book helps you build something strong — with your partner and with the kids, too.
At just 26, Will Guidara took over Eleven Madison Park — a restaurant with potential but not much buzz. Eleven years later, it was named the best in the world. How? By turning traditional hospitality on its head. From surprise sledding trips to beach-themed dining rooms, Guidara and his team went all in on making moments unforgettable — for guests and staff alike. This book shares the stories behind the magic and shows how any business can create extraordinary experiences by leading with generosity, creativity, and heart. It’s about more than service — it’s about making people feel seen. Maybe one day, your ex.
Eve Rodsky was done being the default parent, the one quietly juggling every school form and doctor’s appointment and answering the dreaded question, “What’s for dinner?” So she made a list of all the unpaid work she was doing and handed it to her husband. His reaction? Not exactly a lightbulb moment. That’s when she knew awareness wasn’t enough, and something had to shift. “Fair Play” is her answer: a straightforward system that helps couples rethink how they share the load at home. With simple rules, real talk, and a deck of 100 tasks (see below), it’s about making space for fairness, connection, and time to be more than just the one holding it all together.
Whether you’re moving in together, have hit some bumps, or are just trying to keep up, “The Fair Play Deck” can offer you and your spouse a simple, flexible way to rebalance the load at home. It works like this: You and your partner sit down, sort through the cards, and decide who fully owns which tasks. No more guessing, nagging, or dropping the ball. There are even “Unicorn Space” cards to protect time for the things that light you up. With just an hour and a little openness, this deck can shift the way you handle home life and help both of you feel more seen and supported.
In a world where conflict shows up everywhere, from texts to workplace emails to social media, BIFF offers a smarter way to respond. It’s a simple method for dealing with difficult people: keep your replies Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm. Sounds easy, but it takes practice. This book walks you through the BIFF approach with real examples, plus tips for coaching others through it. You’ll also learn how to calm angry people in person using EAR Statements — quick, thoughtful replies that can defuse tension fast. Whether you’re dealing with a rude coworker or a hostile relative, BIFF helps you keep your cool and protect your peace.
Mel Robbins’ “The Let Them Theory” delivers a powerful shift: stop wasting energy trying to control what — and who — you can’t. With two simple words, “Let Them,” she helps you reclaim your peace, focus, and personal power. Through the use of science, relatable stories, and practical strategies, Robbins demonstrates how this simple mindset fix can improve relationships, reduce stress, and unlock more happiness. Whether you’re stuck in people-pleasing mode or are living in fear or a state of overwhelm, this book can offer you a liberating new approach. And that is to let them be them so you can finally be you.
Consult a Seattle family law attorney for help with divorcing an asshole.
While these books, especially when taken together, can make the divorce process run smoother and strengthen the co-parenting relationship, the asshole you face must still have buy-in. Truth be told: Not every asshole will. Sometimes, if it looks like an asshole, walks like an asshole, and quacks like an asshole, then it just may be an asshole. Forever and always. But since you can control your own behavior, it’s in your power not to become an asshole at the goading of one.
At Elise Buie Family Law, our Seattle team of family law attorneys has extensive experience dealing with high-conflict exes. We can guide you through the divorce process with legal guidance and advice for limiting acrimony. Call us today or schedule a time to speak.
