Financial infidelity describes when one of the people in a relationship hides information or lies to their partner about financial matters. Though there are typically warning signs, they often go unrecognized because a trusting partner is generally not looking for red flags, or if they do see them, they excuse them away because they believe there must be a logical explanation.
Unfortunately, where there is smoke, there is often fire. Given the severity of the damage financial infidelity can cause to your finances and your relationship, both of which can be devastating if left unchecked, it is best to question any unusual behavior. With this in mind, below are warning signs of financial infidelity you can’t afford to ignore.
1. Secrecy
Hiding bank statements, credit card bills, or receipts is a major red flag in any relationship. If you notice your partner tucking away financial documents or insisting on handling all the mail and not letting you see it even if you ask, it’s time to have a conversation. It’s natural to want some privacy, but transparency is imperative in any healthy partnership.
Using cash more often to avoid a paper trail and being overly protective or secretive about financial documents, such as bank statements and tax returns, are similarly concerning behaviors. Another cause for concern is if your partner frequently withdraws cash or is anxious when you bring up money. Regardless of the details, keeping financial information secret can lead to distrust, not to mention mental health challenges for both partners.
2. Hidden Assets
Related to the above, discovering hidden bank accounts, investments, or property can be shocking in a relationship. Uncovering accounts or assets, not just the statements for ones you knew about, that your partner has kept secret from you is a serious breach of trust. The same holds for purchases made surreptitiously for items to be used outside the household, such as gifts for someone else. This may suggest your partner is spending money on something — or someone — without your knowledge.
3. Unusual Withdrawals or Purchases
As mentioned above, unusual or unaccounted-for withdrawals from joint accounts can be alarming. If you notice money disappearing from your shared accounts without a clear explanation, or if, when you question them, your partner gives you an excuse you just don’t buy, it could be a sign that something is amiss. It may also suggest your partner is spending money on not just something but someone else without your knowledge.
4. Opening New Accounts or Making Changes to Old Ones
Opening new credit cards or bank accounts without a partner’s knowledge can raise significant trust issues in a relationship. If your partner is doing this, take heed. The same holds for them forwarding mail, such as credit card or retirement account statements, to another address or opting for paperless statements that only they can access.
5. Giving You the Runaround When You Ask Questions
A partner giving vague or evasive answers about any matter related to finances is yet another sign something isn’t right. If your partner is reluctant to discuss money or avoids giving you clear answers, it might suggest they are hiding something.
6. An Increase in Debt
It is a big red flag if your partner has accumulated debt or taken out personal loans without your knowledge. Another serious concern is receiving calls from debt collectors when you think you don’t have any debt or always pay your bills on time.
7. Changes in Who Has Control Over the Finances in Your Relationship
One partner taking complete control over the finances, making financial decisions without involving the other partner, or keeping the other partner in the dark about their financial status are other concerning behaviors that can create an imbalance of power in a relationship. Both partners should be involved in financial planning, be part of any discussions regarding finances, and have access to financial information at will to maintain an environment of transparency and mutual respect. If this is not true for you and your partner, it’s time to consider why.
8. Lying About Income or Spending
Underrepresenting income, hiding bonuses and raises, or not telling a partner about an inheritance they received can present yet another significant issue in a relationship. When one partner is dishonest about these matters, it can lead to financial planning and budgeting problems where none may have existed before.
So can a partner who is lying about the cost of purchases or claiming purchases were on sale or received as gifts. If you discover such behavior, discuss why your partner feels the need to be deceptive about their spending. Then, work together to create more transparency in your relationship, including establishing a better approach to managing household finances.
9. Sudden Lifestyle Changes
Unexplained changes in lifestyle, such as suddenly spending more on luxury items or vacations without providing you with a clear understanding of the financial source, can be a cause for concern. Look further if your partner starts making extravagant purchases or going on expensive trips without clearly explaining where the money is from. These changes can indicate hidden financial activities, debt, or an extramarital affair.
10. Emotional or Behavioral Changes
Increased anxiety or defensiveness when discussing finances can indicate trouble. If your partner becomes defensive or agitated whenever the topic of money comes up, it may suggest they are hiding something or feeling guilty about the financial choices they have made.
Find a Seattle family law attorney to support you through a situation where financial infidelity is involved.
Whatever behavior by your partner is causing you to do a double take, it is important to address it with them head-on. Financial infidelity can be as hurtful and damaging as any other form of betrayal, so getting to the bottom of any suspicious behavior as soon as you spot it can help prevent even worse problems from occurring.
If you suspect financial infidelity, it is helpful to approach the situation with care and openness. Consider also seeking the support of a mental health professional to address the underlying relationship issues that led to the current situation, a financial professional to help clean up and organize your finances moving forward, and a Washington state family law attorney to help you resolve any resultant legal issues.
At Elise Buie Family Law, our team of skilled and experienced family law attorneys understands how upsetting the discovery of financial infidelity can be. We are here to support you, so call our Seattle office today or set up a consultation.
