When Washington state residents visit an estate planning lawyer about creating an estate plan, they often have questions that go far beyond the documents they want to draft. Apart from looking to learn more about the function of a will, medical and financial powers of attorney, a living will, and various types of trusts, estate planning lawyers often field questions that can affect family dynamics both during the estate plan creator’s life and after they’re gone. In particular, one question arises frequently: Do I need to leave equal amounts to my kids in my will?
If they’re asking, it’s pretty safe to assume that arriving at the answer won’t be easy, nor will it be one that the estate planning lawyer can come up with for them. Ultimately, it will be left to the client how they would like to structure their bequests. While lawyers cannot be the decision-makers, they can ask that they consider the following issues first.
Is your reason for not leaving your children equal bequests in your will the hill you want to die on, literally?
Treating children differently in a will can affect family dynamics for decades, even forever. More than your money or your assets, your family is your legacy. And while you may have your reasons for not leaving your children equal amounts (or leaving a child out altogether), it’s important to understand that for every action, there will be a reaction. Whether those reactions come to fruition during your lifetime or after will remain to be seen. But the question remains: Is your reason worth the reaction it may create?
Do you believe your children will understand these reasons?
If you are concerned about your children’s reactions and want to test the waters, consider discussing your thoughts with them individually. They may say something in response that could alter your decision-making.
For example, the child who is being left more may not want it, even if they actually need it, given what they anticipate will happen to their relationship with their siblings. They may, in fact, deter you from making that choice.
Or you might find that the child who discovers they’re receiving more than their siblings is just a little too happy about it, which concerns you. Finally, it may come to your attention that a child is resentful that they aren’t receiving a bequest, despite not needing it, and seeing it as a communication of your love (or lack thereof) for them.
The scenarios are endless, but understanding how your children feel could inform your decision. If you don’t want to face such scrutiny during your lifetime, or anticipate that your children won’t understand, but you still want to proceed with your plan anyway, recognize that these possibilities and more are on the table.
Yes, it’s possible everyone might be satisfied with your reasoning for leaving a sibling out or leaving some less and some more. But more often than not, it’s not how events play out.
Are you OK with a child being angry with you about your decision?
Is it of concern to you how your children will remember you once you’re gone? Does it matter to you how they will talk about you to future generations, their friends, and other loved ones? If you are, you might want to consider the effect the bequests you make in your will might have on your memory.
Knowing or anticipating dissension among your children is not the best way of affording yourself peace, now and after you’re gone. Ask yourself: Are you willing to sacrifice that?
Is a potential contest of your will of concern to you?
More than hurt feelings and resentment, creating a situation that could divide siblings may leave your will open to a contest after you pass away. Not only do contests deepen rifts, but they can also take years and cost a lot of money to resolve.
Unless you have a very good reason for leaving a child out or giving your children different amounts, you may want to reconsider whether the possibility of your heirs being tied up in litigation one day down the road is troubling to you. Remember, as long as you’re alive, you’re in control, which leads to the last question …
Are you willing to explore other options to avoid potential family disruptions?
One of the best aspects of estate planning is that the process causes you to think about the effects of your decisions. Even better news is that if you have an existing estate plan, you can always change it, as long as you’re alive and mentally competent.
Not only that, if there is family drama that needs attending to, you can make it your mission before you die to heal wounds that may be keeping people apart. Or heal wounds that might lead you to think a certain way, and that, without these wounds, your decisions would look different.
Like any other legal matter, getting to the end of it is a logistical and emotional matter. Having an estate planning lawyer who understands both can help you to make the best decisions for you and your family.
How can you find a compassionate and knowledgeable Seattle estate planning lawyer?
When choosing an estate planning lawyer to draft your documents and discuss issues you may be unsure about, it’s best to find a legal professional who’s both compassionate and knowledgeable. At Elise Buie Family Law, our team of Seattle estate planning lawyers has vast experience creating estate plans to suit Washington residents’ unique needs and is here to help with yours. Contact us today or schedule a convenient time to speak.
