An ethical will is a non-legal letter in which you share your values, beliefs, life lessons, and messages with loved ones. Examples of ethical wills can be found throughout ancient history as early as the Hebrew Bible in Genesis Chapter 49, which dates back approximately 3000 years.
Ethical wills are also mentioned in the New Testament in John Chapters 15-18 and in various other cultures. Further examples of ethical wills can likewise be found in modern history and were historically significant during the Holocaust.
Unlike a legal will, which dictates the distribution of your assets and is recognized by law, an ethical will serves as a personal communication, not a legal directive. While an ethical will can complement a legal will, it does not have the same legal authority, making estate planning as important as ever for communicating your wishes after you die or should you become incapacitated and be unable to communicate them yourself.
Potential Topics Addressed in an Ethical Will and Writing Prompts
Ethical wills can take different tones and provide advice and wisdom. Because the human experience is so multi-faceted and personal, no two ethical wills will be the same, making them intrinsically valuable. Below are topics frequently covered in ethical wills and prompts for how to begin writing about them.
Your Core Values and Deepest Beliefs
An ethical will can detail principles and morals that have guided you, such as integrity, kindness, or perseverance.
Writing Prompt: “When I think about the values that have been most instrumental to me, I am reminded of moments when I chose to prioritize these principles. One such moment was when …”
Life Lessons You Wish to Impart
You can highlight in your ethical will experiences that taught you valuable lessons and how these lessons shaped your character and decision-making.
Writing Prompt: “One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in my life is … This lesson came to me when I faced a situation where …”
Your Personal Stories and Private Memories
Include meaningful stories from your life that were both happy and challenging in your ethical will to give your loved ones a deeper understanding of who you are.
Writing Prompt: “There are moments in my life that have defined who I am, and one such moment was when … This experience was meaningful to me because … and it taught me that … I hope that by sharing this memory, you will understand more about the person I’ve become and what matters to me most.”
Your Family Traditions and History
Discuss meaningful family customs, recipes, or rituals in your ethical will, why they are important to you, and any other significant family history you want to convey.
Writing Prompt: “Our family has always cherished the tradition of … This custom started with … and has been passed down through generations because … I hope you will continue this tradition, not just as a way to remember me but as a way to keep our family’s spirit alive.”
Hopes You Have for the Future
You can share any hopes and dreams you have for your family, friends, and future generations in your ethical will, including any advice or guidance you want to impart to help them in their lives.
Writing Prompt: “My hopes for each of you are that you … I believe in your ability to … and I want you always to remember that … No matter what happens in life, my wish is that you find … and hold onto …”
Your Love and Gratitude for Special People in Your Life
Express your love and appreciation in your ethical will for those who have supported and influenced you and what they mean to you.
Writing Prompt: “To my dearest [NAME] … I want to express my deepest love and gratitude for … You have brought … into my life, and I am thankful for … Without you, I wouldn’t have … and for that, I am forever grateful.”
Any Regrets and Apologies You May Have
If you regret any actions you took or words you said, an ethical will is the place to acknowledge them and offer apologies to those you may have hurt.
Writing Prompt: “As I look back over my life, I realize there are things I wish I could change. One regret I have is … because it affected … I am sorry for … and I hope you can find it in your heart to …”
Spiritual Beliefs and Practices and How You Arrived at Them
Share your views on spirituality, religion, or faith in your ethical will, including any spiritual practices that have been prominent in your life.
Writing Prompt: “My spiritual journey has been … Over the years, I have come to believe that … and I have found peace in … I hope that you will explore your own beliefs and find what brings you … and helps you to …”
Charitable Giving and Your Favorite Causes
Explain why you have supported the causes and charities you have and why they are special, and encourage others to continue supporting them or find their own causes to support.
Writing Prompt: “Giving back has always been important to me, which is why I supported … This cause means a lot to me because … I hope that you will also find a cause that resonates with you and dedicate time or resources to … so that you can help make a difference in the world.”
Your End-of-Life Reflections
You can offer your thoughts in your ethical will on how you have come to terms with your mortality, what you hope for after your passing, and any wishes you have for your memorial or legacy.
Writing Prompt: “As I come to terms with the end of my life, I take comfort in knowing that … My thoughts about what comes next are … and I hope that when you think of me, you will remember … Above all, I want you to know that …”
Approaching the Topic of an Estate Plan, Including an Ethical Will, With Your Loved Ones
Ideally, everyone would have an estate plan set up by age 18, when they are in good health, knowing full well that creating an estate plan is an investment in their future. Unfortunately, this is not always the case.
Many people require motivation to create an estate plan or update one they made years ago that may be outdated, particularly if they are getting older or facing health issues due to advancing age or an unexpected diagnosis. However, suggesting to a loved one that they create an estate plan is often insufficient. You may find yourself trying to garner support from other family members or close friends to help organize and attend a family meeting where you can elaborate for your loved ones why their having an estate plan is so important and how you can help them get started.
Given how many people are reluctant to discuss personal matters like finances and end-of-life wishes, raising the prospect of an ethical will may be able to help your loved one wrap their brain around the idea of considering what would happen if they became incapacitated or died and agree to a meeting. Discussing how a person can impart wisdom to future generations can be enticing.
If your loved one agrees to the meeting, how well you prepare for it can determine its success. To that end, schedule a convenient time and place for everyone who plans to attend, appoint a leader to organize the discussion, and set an agenda covering topics besides an ethical will, such as wills, trusts, and medical and financial powers of attorney. You should also make plans to discuss who will fulfill the various roles in an estate plan.
On the day of the meeting, keep comments positive and constructive. Establish ground rules for respectful communication, especially if you anticipate the conversation will become combative. The meeting leader, who could be a neutral person from outside the family with no vested interest, should stick to the agenda created beforehand, leaving a brief time afterward for open discussion.
Someone should also take notes during the meeting to avoid confusion later. Immediately after the meeting concludes, everyone should review the notes for accuracy. Once agreed upon, a copy of the notes should be given to everyone there. Schedule any follow-up meetings if needed. Then, urge your loved one to contact a Seattle estate planning lawyer to implement their decisions in an estate plan.
How to Find a Seattle Estate Family Attorney for Guidance on Writing an Ethical Will and Creating an Estate Plan
Estate planning does not have to be something to fear. Instead, it can be a time for deep reflection and consideration of the legacy you intend to leave after you depart this world. In conjunction with a comprehensive estate plan created by a Seattle estate planning attorney, an ethical will can help you to communicate that legacy and, if you choose, shed light on the reasons behind the decisions you made in your estate plan.
Though ethical wills are not legally binding, talking with an estate planning attorney about how an ethical will can work with your estate plan is a good idea. At Elise Buie Family Law, our compassionate team of estate planning lawyers knows how worrisome creating an estate plan can be and can help you either get started on yours or update your existing estate plan so that it reflects your current circumstances. Contact us today or schedule a call using our convenient scheduling link.
