“Adulting” is Not So Bad

Can I enjoy the perks of being a “grown-up” without the heavy and complicated responsibility that comes along with it? Especially in trying times like suddenly having to fumble your way through the unraveling of your family unit. Blind-sighted by a partner that ditched you and the kids for greener pastures, realizing that you were okay financially as a two-parent household, but won’t be able to maintain certain luxuries you have become accustomed to let alone, afford to pay rent. What’s even scarier is the startling reality that you have figure out how to share your children with- the man you loved and committed a lifetime to, a man you once felt “safe” with, that hurt you so deeply it hurts to look at them.

 

Facing this new harsh reality that you are now a single parent is overwhelming from all angles. When you just feel sadness and anger and even depression, it sure would be a lot easier to go back to being a kid. Only, that is not an option at this point. Where in a partnership you may have had opportunity for “me time”, or be able to share in or blame mistakes on your partner, or rely on them to be your rock while you take some time to have a mini breakdown, indulging in feeling sorry for yourself, none of those things are an option as a single parent. Not as an adult and especially not as a single parent.

 

Now more than ever it is time to step up as an adult, assuming all the responsibility that comes with it because even though your relationship status went from married to separated, your status as a parent is unconditionally forever. As a single parent, every decision has to be in the best interest of your child. Whatever mistakes you made in the past certainly can’t be repeated and had better be life lessons that you learned from as you focus on pushing forward. Forward! Easier said than done though, right? Well, what is actually “easier” to explain or for your lawyer to represent when you are up against the father of your child for custody and child support and such, is a parent that behaves as a responsible adult, even in challenging times – especially in challenging times!

 

If that “me time” you had while you were a family unit paints you as impulsive or reckless, or if the sporadic shopping sprees you treated yourself to while you had two incomes racked up avoidable debt, your finances and spending habits are just as much under the microscopegoing through a divorce as your character. When you break it down, making mistakes with how you handle your finances is telling of your character. I can’t stress enough how important every decision is as they have either a direct or instant impact on your children.

 

At this point, what was done was done, and what was spent was spent, now the only “option” is to move forward as the exemplary parent your child needs and deserves. Being a single parent is absolutely difficult and challenging and can wear you down over time if you let it, but I would say that the reward of setting a positive example makes the sacrifices worth it. Not just being a great parent, but the responsible adult you hope for your child to become is so valuable. If I’m “adulting” correctly, I can teach them by example how facing adversity with a responsible approach is actually easier than navigating through a messy bundle of mistakes, embarrassment, and apologies, and maybe I’m getting ahead of myself here, but if by behaving like an adult and accepting all the responsibilities that come with it can produce such an outcome, doesn’t being a grown-up suddenly seem more appealing?

 

-“Adulting” Single Mom

STAY UP TO DATE

Subscribe to our newsletters

 
Subscribe to one or more of our newsletters, delivering meaningful insight on topics that matter to you and your family.

FURTHER READING

Latest Blog Posts

While software developers are among the professions with the lowest divorce rates, coming in at 20.3%, workers in the technology sector who divorce face specific challenges during the divorce process. From how to locate and divide assets to determining parenting…

For parents, divorce often raises many questions surrounding extracurricular activities. These questions usually include whether the children will get to participate in the extracurricular activities (sports, performing arts classes, music lessons, art classes, etc.) they did before the divorce, expanded…

Divorce is a time of transition, which can bring about changes in your professional life as much as it can in your personal life. Perhaps you are one of the ones, like many, who have decided that a fresh start…

Becoming a single parent, especially after being married and having a partner to share in the physical and emotional labor, can be a challenging transition. The role of single parent, even for those in a healthy co-parenting relationship with their…

If you are in love and looking to plan a life with your partner, congratulations. This is an exciting time for you both, and the goal is that the relationship will stand the test of time. However, a recent study…

Divorce is not only about protecting assets and deciding who will keep the marital home afterward. Divorce is about re-envisioning your life following the end of a marriage and about discovering who you are today. This may include learning about…

The expression “in sickness and in health” is common in wedding ceremonies of all faiths. So when most people recite these words, it is probably safe to assume that they envision themselves married at a time when the unthinkable may…

Instead of marrying, increasingly, more couples are choosing to cohabitate outside of marriage. Many couples decide this for a variety of reasons, including testing the waters about whether they are suitable to live together as a couple or don’t believe…

Divorce can be a relatively straightforward process if you and your spouse are on good terms and can agree on certain issues in your case. In such a situation, you can file for an uncontested divorce which is often a…

One spouse’s diagnosis of a significant illness can impact a marriage in substantial ways. According to a study published in the National Library of Medicine, many aspects of a family (defined in various ways across the research) can be affected.…