Can You Really Have It All? Did You Carve that Pumpkin?

A young girl peaking into a jack-o-lantern

Many feminist icons of the mid and late 90’s will tell you that you can have an amazing career, perfect marriage, and bake the best damn cookies for kindergarten play dates all at once. This is a lie. They are lying to you.


As soon as you let go of the idea that you even WANT it all, let alone can actually attain it, is when you start prioritizing and putting concerted effort towards the things that matter. Things that don’t matter: whether you bought those cookies while rushing into the store on a work call during your elusive lunch break, or baked them with a kitchen-aid, wearing an apron. 


If your career is something that you enjoy, feel passionate about, and it inspires personal growth, do not give it up. The best mothers are role models. Let me repeat, the BEST mothers are role models. In 2016, the vast majority of children do not aspire to sacrifice their passion and dreams to bake cookies or wipe every single runny nose, or sit with their sick child every single time. Your children are important and probably the most important thing in your entire life but they do not need to actually BE your entire life. 


Even with the most supportive and helpful partner, mothers with a demanding career will feel guilty, but this guilt does not need to consume you. Maintaining your personhood is an essential part of being a good mother and a good partner.


Finding some type of work/life balance is the key to success and happiness.


According to a presidential campaign reporter and new mother, “I was one of those naive people who thought motherhood was just another thing that you could juggle.” You should not be in a position where you are juggling motherhood or your career but rather removing yourself from your kids when necessary to be productive and turning off your phone when you really want to be focusing on your kids. Don’t half ass you career and your parenting, and as Ron Swanson from Parks and Rec so eloquently said, “don’t half ass two things, whole ass one.”

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