Don’t Listen to Bad Advice

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Most of the time unsolicited advice is innocuous, but in the case of divorce, advice from well meaning but misinformed people can be harmful.

1. Encouraging acrimony

Especially if you feel slighted by your divorce, it is likely that those around you may encourage you to “fight” or be intentionally oppositional. This is really the worst kind of advice. It should never ever be your intention to “stick it “ to your partner. At times it may be temporarily gratifying but there are long-term consequences that will inevitably be more damaging to you than to them in the long run, not to mention that bad karma you will be inheriting.  

2. Maybe you should try to work things out

Unless you are making a decision to divorce impulsively or without having made sincere attempts to salvage your relationship, this advice can illicit feelings of shame. Of course you’ve tried to work things out. Divorce is not a sign of failure. Recognizing that you are in a marriage that is harmful and taking steps to end it is brave.

3. You should stay together because you have kids

This is yet another well-intentioned but misguided piece of advice. It is incredibly unhealthy for children to live in a home environment with parents who do not love each other in healthy ways.  Witnessing arguments, coldness, or a lack of respect between one’s parents is harmful.  Don’t force a marriage “for the sake of the kids.” Not only will this compromise your relationship with your child but it has the potential to impact their ability to form healthy relationships in the rest of their life.

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