Why you should probably let go of the idea of fairness

Why you should probably let go of the idea of fairness
There is nothing fair about divorce. Whether you or your spouse initiated the divorce, is it probable that you married this person with the intention of growing old together and that is no longer a possibility. That itself is unfair.
As far as the divorce process goes, being hung up on everything ending up perfectly fair will leave you miserable. The laws are not fair and neither are many of the requests you will most likely receive from your ex. Rather than focusing on fairness, it may be best to select a few key priorities that you feel most strongly about and then be willing to make large, and seemingly unfair, concessions on the rest.
Parenting is a more complicated issue and is unfortunately an area of divorce that frequently seems unfair. Your ex-spouse may have never taken your children to a soccer game but is now seeking a 50/20 shared residential schedule. Unless they are truly unfit to parent or lack all emotional bond with the child, this is yet another example of how dwelling on the unfairness will make you unhappy rather than serve a productive purpose.
Divorce is a great exercise in being the bigger person. Fighting over material objects is probably a waste of money in the end as it is costing you legal fees.  Fighting over your children simply harms them for life, don’t do it.


Subscribe to our newsletters

Subscribe to one or more of our newsletters, delivering meaningful insight on topics that matter to you and your family.
ebl home subscribe image


Latest Blog Posts

If you and your partner reside in Washington state and are unmarried, you each might qualify for the legal protections availed to you by law by classifying your relationship as a committed intimate relationship.

One of the greatest gifts you can give your family is to build an estate plan while you are alive and well. Estate planning allows you to formally communicate your wishes so they will not be up for interpretation by…

A co-executor can help facilitate the distribution of assets, minimize conflicts, and provide much-needed support to grieving families.

The law makes it easy for people to get out of bad marriages. Washington, like most states, acknowledges no-fault divorce. This means that if you want a court to dissolve your marriage, all you have to do is file for…

Washington state’s laws on non-marital relationships, including committed intimate relationships (CIRs), can be convoluted, especially in the absence of a cohabitation agreement. Given the ambiguity that exists for unmarried partners in Washington state, thinking about the future and what it could look like is more important than ever. This is especially true in terms of aging, incapacity, and death. Fortunately, you can address each of these issues in a comprehensive estate plan.

Prenups and postnups can strengthen a marriage, given how they require relationship partners to put their cards on the table for each other to see, offering transparency and peace of mind. Despite their similarities, there are a few significant differences between the two.

Child support is one of the most contentious issues in divorce cases where parties have minor children. Even though Washington state law uses the same complex mathematical formula to determine the amount of child support for each child, there is…

Family law and estate planning often intersect. This is particularly true when contemplating divorce, remarriage, or blending families.

At some point during your divorce case, friends and family members whose own marriages ended in divorce probably told you that it gets better, and it does. Of course, from your perspective, getting out of a bad marriage might be…

Co-parenting over a long distance when you are a non-residential parent does not have to equate to sacrificing involvement in your children’s lives. But it likely does mean you will have to make tweaks in your communication and parenting style to accommodate the new living arrangement.