Today I saw a woman post in a Facebook group I belong to about her recent miscarriage and how supportive her husband has been during the process. It made me deeply sad to read so many other women (96 comments) say things to the effect of “you’re so lucky your husband is very supportive” and “I’m so glad he has been able to help”. Why in the world is it amazing that a husband provides emotional support to his wife in these circumstances? I was surprised even to see the original poster mention her husband’s support at all because I’d imagine that is implicit.
What twisted world have we created wherein women are often times the breadwinners and/or raising children alone and STILL feel like their emotional needs are too burdensome for their husbands or significant others. Guess what – maybe they are burdensome! Who cares? Husbands are burdensome. Taxes are burdensome. Lots of things can feel like a burden at times but you still have to do them if you expect to reap the benefits, in this case, lifelong partnership.
Women need to universally raise their standards for partnership. Having kids with someone who isn’t emotionally supportive is a recipe for sadness for both you and your child. Support, encouragement, and validation should be a two-way street in relationships and it seems it has become optional for men to reciprocate even in times of extraordinary need. A husband being emotionally supportive of his wife who just suffered both the mental and physical trauma of a miscarriage is basic and should be expected.