I’ve always been interested in finding ways to take control of my future, especially as I was going through my divorce. So when a friend passed along to me a copy of Marie Kondō’s best-selling book, “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing,” I couldn’t wait to begin reading it.
If you’re in the middle of a divorce or about to start on one, you’re well aware of the roller coaster ride you signed on for, or your spouse signed you on for, and now you’re along for the ride whether you wanted to be on it or not. After long, busy days, I often plopped myself down on the couch, not yet ready for bed but exhausted. I needed to unwind, and I found a great way to do that was to grab a glass of wine and a bowl of popcorn and watch movies.
As if co-parenting during a pandemic wasn’t complicated enough, a lot of parents have a new worry to add to their plates: a widely controversial COVID-19 vaccine.
According to researchers, imposter syndrome or imposter phenomenon (IP) “is a motivational disposition in which persons who have achieved some level of success feel like fakes or imposters.” It’s a behavior that describes those who, despite achieving high levels of success on standardized tests, earning advanced degrees, and receiving professional recognition for their accomplishments from colleagues or organizations, still fail to experience a sense of success internally. And I see it affect people during the divorce process all the time.
You’d be surprised at how what you say and how you say it can make or break a discussion. As a family and divorce lawyer, writer, communicator, and a once-divorced (I’ve since remarried) co-parenting mom myself, I know how the slightest alteration in my speech can produce a different outcome in a conversation. Those “alternative endings,” in turn, can do a lot of damage by derailing my day, my week, and, most significantly, negatively impact my children’s lives in a very profound and direct manner. That’s why I’m careful about how I speak to my ex. And he’s not even a bad guy.
Now more than ever, especially under the stress of the ongoing pandemic, effective co-parenting strategies may be needed more than ever before. A recent study suggests that divorces have decreased over the past year, contrary to what past predictions suggested. The implication is there are many households currently in crisis, with dissatisfied couples on the verge of divorce, who will need guidance in the coming months as the vaccination effort takes effect and the world emerges from the COVID crisis.
You’re getting divorced, and it’s the first time you’ve been single in years. You’re thinking about starting to date but are wondering whether this is a good idea or not. You anticipate your divorce taking a while, and worry about putting your dating life on hold for months, even years. So how do you decide if now’s the right time to dip your toe in the dating pool?
You’re at lunch with your friends. Or on the phone with your mother. You get to talking about what a jerk your spouse is and how you wish you weren’t with them anymore. You rattle off a laundry list of reasons why you can’t stand them. In isolation, none of the reasons seem too bad. Taken together, the thought of this person walking through the door at night sickens you to the point of contempt. And you haven’t even gotten to the quality of your sex life — or lack of it.
In the U.S., divorce filings typically increase between 25 percent to 30 percent in January. It makes the concept of “Divorce Month” a recorded phenomenon and not just another theme to describe January on social media. But why the sudden rise in divorces?
It’s the question Phil Collins posed in court last month after his ex-wife, Orianne Cevey, and her new husband, Thomas Bates, refused to vacate the singer’s Miami Beach Mansion, estimated at 40 million dollars. Vanity Fair reported that although Collins holds the property in a company owned by him, Cevey claims she has an ownership interest. Taking legal matters into her hands, Cevey and her new hubby have denied her ex-husband access by changing the locks and alarm codes and otherwise blocking Collins and his representatives from entering.